The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

If as a personal choice I did the right thing, I fucked it up in the career sector, so much that I'm going to ruin my physical and mental health.



Regrets, regrets and regrets.



And all of this because of bad decisions because I couldn't foresee the future.

COMMENTS

-

---

lordess
12:15 Sep 20 2014

Sometimes, things take on a whole new meaning that may be beyond our control. As they say: Never a mistake, always a lesson. :)

---

lordess
12:17 Sep 20 2014

Sometimes, things take on a whole new meaning that may be beyond our control. As they say: Never a mistake, always a lesson. :)

---

lordess
12:17 Sep 20 2014

Sometimes, things take on a whole new meaning that may be beyond our control. As they say: Never a mistake, always a lesson. :)

---

POST COMMENT

If there is one thing that makes me shit in my pants with fear, that is the future.



The future is unknown and that scares me.



I hate surprises and like to be prepared for when shit happens and sharks attack.

COMMENTS

-

---

LordFangor
13:32 Sep 17 2014

Be here now. * walks into the mist and vanishes *

---

POST COMMENT

I'm more convinced than ever that I made the right decision. I feel more loyal to myself now. I'm doing stuff that I want to.



I feel happy, free and content.



*raises the glass* Cheers to you my dear enemies, you lost and I won.

I'm not copying anyone's entry, but I'm going through the same thing lately.



For years I've been labeled as, goth, weirdo, freak, yet I never saw what I had differently from others. What did or didn't I have to be normal.



Yet a lot of names and labels were given to me, without me even knowing. And for years I believed those labels to be true, among other stereotypes that I never liked, like gender roles stereotypes, stereotypes connected with my nationality and other bullshit.



Nowadays I don't know what I am, not even who I am. (who knows anyway?) I think I was something and then not. I went through a lot of phases that helped me grow. For 12 years I was in the Gothic culture and people saw only that in me. Someone who listens to weird music and who likes to wear black. In reality no one, or a few, really knew me.



In effect, I got called poser, wannabe, because I didn't follow their stereotypes. Yet a label was put on me.



Truth is, I am a lot of things, and like a lot of things. If anyone checked my music selection on my phone, they'd think they're listening to the play-list of a schizophrenic. My wardrobe has many black clothing but also a handful of colorful forbiddens.



Yet people judge you by this image idea, and sub-cultures, and if you don't follow, you're an outsider, you're a freak, you're not normal, but, why someone should not be a lot of things? Why we should be just one thing?



And why people are obsessed with this judging and labeling thing? Can't I just be a person who likes a million stuff?



No I can't be just one thing, I am a million of things.

This was the best summer of my life. Pity it's going to end.



It was a summer full of fun and truth, I enjoyed it, and at the same time I learned a lot.



I've been self-reflecting a lot and doing a lot of thinking lately.



I finally decided that after 12 years of being on and off in the Gothic/punk/metal scene in my country, I'm done with it.



I'm tired of their bullshit. I'm tired of their snobbish attitude, labels, stereotypes and their holier than thou attitude. Thus, I don't want to hang out with the rockers anymore. To hell with their concerts, events and festivals, they can all go to hell.



This has been happening every year. Every year there is some asshole, bitch or group of assholes that they either bullied me or spread rumors about me. This year was particular. Rumors were spread and now a bitch is saying that I am jealous of her, because I told her bluntly that she's a spoiled brat and that she thinks she's above everyone, and now she thinks that I'm jealous of her and her ugly boyfriend that looks like a drag queen. I gave them chances and always made new friends and I thought that actually this was my environment, but I was wrong. Fuck them all.



It seems the people like me, are what I call Divergents, yes like the movie. People who don't fit in any stereotype and can adapt to any situation. Usually I feel comfortable around artsy people, writers, anime/comic fans, some gamers, people who like fashion and food, you know people with my same ideas and interests. However I am still a fish out of the water, even around them, because I still feel different from all of them.



Lately, I had a small circle of friends and I liked it. Yet some drama happened and we're not that all joyful at the moment. In effect the circle might break. Seems I can really count on a few people now.



If anything happens, I won't mind ending up alone either. I enjoy my own company. There was a weekend where I spent it alone. I went walking around, vising cities, beaches, nature, and taking pictures. I really love taking pictures, but not selfies, (I hate selfies with a passion). I much prefer pictures of views. And you know what? I fucken loved those moments alone, much more than when I was surrounded with people in a bar full of annoying drunken people, loud noise, lousy music and stinky people puking on the ground and breaking glasses. I love being alone.



With all of this happening, I can say that I am in a transition period. I really need a change. All this shit just brought negativity to me and my life in general. I need more positivity in my life, and to do this, I need to let go a handful of things. Why get into a sub-culture where I am not accepted, respected and loved? Kiss my ass all of them. I'm not going to change for anyone, I am not a fucken teenager, I am an adult, I know myself, I know what I want, I know what I don't want, I know I how I want to live and how I want to be.



However with all the good and bad things that happened this year, I gotta say that winter was the worst I ever had, same goes for spring, but summer was the best of them all. I still enjoyed it no matter what shit I was swimming into.



Now I'm preparing for Fall and I'm not exited about it. Fall is another period where usually bad shit happens.



Well, we'll see. I feel satisfied, yet worried...